In my old age, I seem to remain forever curious about my earliest years. Why? Those early experiences continue to impact me. Those formative years installed some pretty strong habits, positive and not so positive, courtesy of myelin.
Understanding Myelin
Myelin is a fatty substance that wraps around nerve fibers in the brain, acting like insulation on electrical wires. Its main job? To protect and speed up the transmission of signals between brain cells. The more you practice a skill, the more myelin builds around the relevant neural pathways—making that skill (or bad habit!) faster, stronger, and easier to recall.
Myelination peaks in our earliest years, and again in adolescence. Anything you do repeatedly in your myelin years develops huge, efficient branches in your neural network. Intense emotional moments have a similar effect. That early programming sticks. “Our plastic brain is like a snowy hill in winter…“
Why This Matters for Conflict Skills
Conflict resolution isn’t just a theory—it’s a set of behaviors. Whether it’s staying calm, listening actively, or reframing disagreement, these actions are physical habits rooted in our brain and neurobiology.
I’ve been immersed in the field of conflict resolution for over 25 years; learning, applying the craft, training others…. My world has involved working with adults, of all ages, in a variety of contexts. The adult brain changes slowly. Myelination is slower as we age. I can vouch for that fact.
One-time training is only the beginning
A conflict resolution service provider can help shape learning experiences, but they cannot build a circuit in someone else’s brain. That’s going to take a lot of repetition.
In Habits of a Happy Brain, Dr. Loretta Graziano Breuning suggests repeating the same activity for 45 consecutive days (and if you miss a day, start over from day 1) to consolidate a new neural pathway; habit. I’ve tried her approach and found it a challenge and rewarding (when I stick to the process). Real skill-building—like responding constructively to criticism or defusing tension—takes repeated practice.
Building new habits, as a practitioner
With the AI tools available to us today, its easy, too easy, to generate a pretty infograph (LinkedIn is littered with them) outlining ten ways a leader can do this or that; e.g., foster a psychologically safe workplace, create a culture of collaboration, jumpstart innovation, etc. Unfortunately, those tips have little to do with myelination and new habits development.
When retained by a client to provide a service, be it as a coach, mediator, trainer, faciilitator, or consultant, yes, first stop the client’s bleeding. Then, if the dynamic warrants, shift the focus to development of sustainable constructive behaviours through repetitive practice. Neuroscience advances have doubled down on “neurons that fire together, wire together.”
Takeaway
To build true conflict competence, create regular practice opportunities. In a workplace context, that might involve personal action plans, role plays, team meetings, peer coaching… The key is repetitive practice. Coupled it with rewards. Learning is a neural pathway built by repetition and rewards, There’s sure to be an app for you to support your initiative on that front.
You won’t be able to change undesirable neural superhighways laid down in early life, yet you can learn to wire in some good new pathways. It won’t be as easy as in youth, yet intentional thoughtful repetition works. Consistent repetition of constructive behaviours fosters myelin growth, and habits worth owning.
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