Bid for connection.
One of the best ways to connect get on the same page as someone else is to have more positive than negative interactions with them. That approach is foundational, for building trust and strong relationships. We are biologically wired to the negative. We need to accentuate the positive.
Each of our daily interactions with another person is what relationship expert John Gottman calls a “bid for connection”. By choosing to turn toward, to turn away, or turn against each other’s bid for connection – no matter how ordinary or small – we establish a foundation that could determine the future success or failure of our relationship
“Daily life is foreplay for relationships.” (Kate Feldman)
Good relationships usually develop slowly over time, growing out of the many mundane interactions we share each day. Building trust in a relationship doesn’t require gut-wrenching conversations that plumb the depths of our souls.
What is the optimal ratio of positive bids versus negative bids?
Gottman says 5:1 is the Magic Relationship Ratio to sustain a marriage.
Social media strategists suggest a ratio closer to 10:1 when it comes to promoting others, versus self-promotion. As a parent, I recall 3:1 as the suggested ratio for praising versus disciplining young children. In cultures and generations where reprimand and discipline rule(d), maybe a negative ratio applies?
Bid positively. It builds trust and strengthens a relationship.
