The book on Conflict Mastery

“You make me angry.” “Don’t get your noise out of joint.” “Settle down.” “Just ‘cause I said it, don’t mean that I meant it.” We use scores of phrases like these when involved in interpersonal conflict. If not spoken out loud, we speak them inside our head. Needless to say, our conflict directives rarely end the […]

Diverge Off The Problem Before You Converge On The Solution

To solve a difficult challenge, come up with as many solution ideas as possible.  Then “murder your darlings”.  Converge on the best idea.   Good ideas The story I most often tell myself about ideas is the one Steven Johnson articulates in his book, Where Do Good Ideas Come From: The Natural History of Innovation. “Good […]

Are You Configuring The Future to Suit The Facts?

“I never guess. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.” Sherlock Holmes in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s, A Scandal in Bohemia. According to German psychologist, Gerd Gerzenger of the Max Plank Institute, relying on your intuition […]

Facing The Conflict Monster

“Knowing I’m a weak person, my mom advised me that whenever I felt scared or fearful, that’s exactly the right moment to jump in head first to face the monster by looking him in the eye. And I’ve found that when I get that close to the “monster”, I stop being afraid because I lose […]

Offering a Continuum of Choices is a Trusted Collaborative Problem Solving Technique

When we’re stuck on a problem, and filled with negativity, the options lean to either/or.  When we articulate the spaces in-between, new possibilities emerge, a continuum of choices.   A continuum of choices reduces the risk of either/or, win/lose, and encourages collaborative problem solving. Offer a continuum As a contract court mediator with Mediate BC, […]